I have realized lately that while driving in the car, or riding with other people, that I have acquired quite a fear of being in a car crash again. Specifically getting rear ended or to rear end someone else. It seems to be rather obvious that getting rear ended as I did that I would be a little more cautious about driving. But I now realize that it must have effected me deeply. Every time someone else I am driving with, or myself, has to put the breaks on more quickly than normal my entire body tenses up and my adrenaline starts to pump much quicker than it used to. It is not pleasant because it takes a little while for my body to return back to normal after such occurrences.
I faced this fear even more when we went to Disney's Epcot last week. There was a ride called Fast Track that simulated a vehicle testing system. During the briefing I grew a little tense at the thought of the quick turns and bumps the ride would take us on. I had been worried about the jerking it might do to me, and while waiting in line I actually considered turning around and not going on the ride. Oh my! I am not used to being afraid of things like that. I did go on the ride and braced myself through the whole thing, but thankfully it really wasn't that bad. I enjoyed it. I chose not to go on it a second time, but I did enjoy it. It is weird what a traumatic experience such as getting in a car crash can do to you. Hopefully I will not have such a fear for too much longer.
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Reflections. Show all posts
Monday, September 07, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Gloominess
It is odd and strange the thoughts that can be brought about on a dark and gloomy night. I am sitting in my home and the moist air is blowing through the doorway from my deck. I love my home, it truly is a retreat and I enjoy being up high.
From this position I am contemplating friendships and what holds or divides them. There was a period in my life where I had no close friends in which to confide or that I could run to. Teenage years in particular. Then there was a large change and all of a sudden I had some great friends in whom I trusted and I knew who loved me and who I could share anything with. But somehow in the last year and a half that changed. With a few it was just because of physical circumstances had them move away from me. I can understand that, and our long distance relationships are still quite strong.
Yet other relationships simply changed and no matter how hard I tried they could not resemble what they used to be, and I have come to a place where I don't even want to try anymore. How long do you reach out to people if they are not reaching back? How I hate change in relationships. Yet there have been so many lately. I am not sure if I can handle anymore changes being thrown at me. Sometimes it makes me want to withdraw into myself, not to share who I am anymore, to keep myself hidden so that I don't feel rejected once again.
My is this a gloomy blog. I so want to hang a large "DO NOT ENTER" sign around my neck and then take it off when I return home to my family. But God doesn't want me to do that. How am I to be like Jesus if I can't be open like He did? He faced the ultimate rejection. Can I just buck up and face the small ones? I so want to bring Him glory in my life- at this point I just feel sort of wretched with all my ill feelings towards others. I don't want to feel this way! I know I must conquer it, and although I feel like conquering it might be impossible, He says in Matthew 19: 26 that all things are possible with Him. So conquer I will- to the best of His ability in me.
I blame part of this blog on the gloomy weather. Even though I sort of enjoy the weather. Yes I tend to contradict myself quite often.
From this position I am contemplating friendships and what holds or divides them. There was a period in my life where I had no close friends in which to confide or that I could run to. Teenage years in particular. Then there was a large change and all of a sudden I had some great friends in whom I trusted and I knew who loved me and who I could share anything with. But somehow in the last year and a half that changed. With a few it was just because of physical circumstances had them move away from me. I can understand that, and our long distance relationships are still quite strong.
Yet other relationships simply changed and no matter how hard I tried they could not resemble what they used to be, and I have come to a place where I don't even want to try anymore. How long do you reach out to people if they are not reaching back? How I hate change in relationships. Yet there have been so many lately. I am not sure if I can handle anymore changes being thrown at me. Sometimes it makes me want to withdraw into myself, not to share who I am anymore, to keep myself hidden so that I don't feel rejected once again.
My is this a gloomy blog. I so want to hang a large "DO NOT ENTER" sign around my neck and then take it off when I return home to my family. But God doesn't want me to do that. How am I to be like Jesus if I can't be open like He did? He faced the ultimate rejection. Can I just buck up and face the small ones? I so want to bring Him glory in my life- at this point I just feel sort of wretched with all my ill feelings towards others. I don't want to feel this way! I know I must conquer it, and although I feel like conquering it might be impossible, He says in Matthew 19: 26 that all things are possible with Him. So conquer I will- to the best of His ability in me.
I blame part of this blog on the gloomy weather. Even though I sort of enjoy the weather. Yes I tend to contradict myself quite often.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Oh What a Beautiful Morning!
Today I was inspired to start singing a song from the movie Oklahoma. It is a beautiful morning! I am positioned out on my deck with my computer. I am gazing at our newly transplanted flowers and enjoying the morning air as I am listening to the birds sing. Perhaps they are singing the song as well.
There is nothing quite like having a deck of your own, especially when it is a up higher in the air like ours is. I like the feeling of being set a part from the hustle of the solid ground and having a wide open sky above. Perhaps there is not much sky, I still have a roof to one side and a tree to the other, but at night when it is dark (as dark as it can get in the city) we can still see quite a bit of stars above us.
The door to our deck was covered with plastic all winter. The door was the best way to let the cold in during the winter months. Even though we had plastic and draped some curtains over it our pantry, which is the room the door goes directly into, was freezing. As the days got warmer I could not wait to rip the plastic off and step out onto our little corner outside. It is where we step out to check the weather without having to go downstairs, and we also love to have good friendly chats out here.
Yes I am happy so happy with our lovely little home. God has truly blessed us.
There is nothing quite like having a deck of your own, especially when it is a up higher in the air like ours is. I like the feeling of being set a part from the hustle of the solid ground and having a wide open sky above. Perhaps there is not much sky, I still have a roof to one side and a tree to the other, but at night when it is dark (as dark as it can get in the city) we can still see quite a bit of stars above us.
The door to our deck was covered with plastic all winter. The door was the best way to let the cold in during the winter months. Even though we had plastic and draped some curtains over it our pantry, which is the room the door goes directly into, was freezing. As the days got warmer I could not wait to rip the plastic off and step out onto our little corner outside. It is where we step out to check the weather without having to go downstairs, and we also love to have good friendly chats out here.
Yes I am happy so happy with our lovely little home. God has truly blessed us.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
A Slow Motion Replay
A couple less U-Turns is all it would have taken to avoid losing my car. I had just purchased my 2000 Volkswagen Jetta about 5 months ago. In that amount of time I genuinely loved it as much as someone should love a material possession. Mr. Darcy wasn't even used to his name yet before the inevitable happened to him. It is funny how little decisions could have changed a lot, but what happened happened and one just has to accept it. Here is my account of the story.
My friends, Alisa, Lis, their mom Sue and I were shopping in Maple Grove yesterday afternoon. We were headed back to the freeway to go home when it happened. It was a traffic light, there was a separate right hand lane to turn right with a yield sign. I was going to turn right onto Hemlock from Elm Creek Blvd but the light changed and I didn't want to gun it to make it in front of the cross traffic. I slowed down and came to a stop, a second later we were all thrust violently forward.
I was hit. I sat their in disbelief staring at my car radio that had popped out of its case. A car horn was blarring and I wondered why the person was still honking at us after the fact. I looked to see if everyone was okay and I we all got out to see the damage. There was a large white SUV behind us and a man got out and opened his hood. His horn was broken so it was blaring and he was trying to figure out how to get it to stop. Everything after that was sort of a blur. Alisa started to call the police. They were their so quickly that I knew they must have been close by.
The damage was horrible, the back window was shattered and the trunk pushed in. Most of the damage was done on the right hand side. At first I had an overwhelming sense of guilt, as if I could have done something different to prevent it. I stopped, cross my arms on the top of my car and laid my head down on my arms. I could not cry but I stood there with my head down. Lis came over to give me a hug. I was so glad I wasn't alone, although I didn't like to have any of my friends go through that.
A tow truck arrived seemingly to come out of no where. The police were asking questions and getting all of our information. I asked everyone "there was a yield sign wasn't there?" I was worried that it was my fault, but no, I was not at fault there was a yield sign and I was simply obeying the laws and yielding to traffic. We started to gather all of our belongings out of the car.
Alisa had just bought some supplies at the pet store. "Do you want the rabbit hay in the trunk?" I asked her, "Oh yes!" she replied. One of the policeman heard a part of the dialog and exclaimed, "you have a rabbit in your trunk?" We all laughed at the thought. Alisa said that you don't put animals in your trunk.
We were trying to get stuff out of the trunk by opening the back seats. I told the policemen that we had a t-shirt press for my dad's business in the trunk. They decided they were going to get it out for me and they went to work. I wasn't paying too much attention to what they were doing. (I was trying to make sure I didn't leave anything important in the car.) Sue told me later that she thought the men had a ton of fun using a crowbar to open it up the trunk and to pry the press out. All our belongings were put on the side of the road.
Oddly enough I remember to look for my Scotland window cling. It came a long ways to be on my window, I looked back at the pile of glass by the turn lane. Alisa saw it and went and rescued it for me. For some reason it was important to me to have.
We were a pretty cheery bunch for what happened to us. After knowing everyone was basically okay it wasn't hard for us to make jokes and keep it happy. I still wanted to cry, the car that I had waited prayed for was a mess. I managed to hold it together. The police told me that they were going to send for an ambulance come by to check me out.
My Dad was out of town so our friend Mike came to pick us up, he gave me a hug and I then I felt my emotions overwhelm me, I just wanted to be gone from that place so I could cry. The ambulance got there so I stepped in and they took my vitals. Everyone else said they were fine. Our stuff was loaded into Mike's car while I was in the ambulance. I shook the policeman's hand, told thank you for his help and then walked to Mike's car and got in with everyone else.
I told them I wanted to cry, and then I did. But it didn't last too long because I realized two other great things to be thankful for that were quite humorous. I thought it was a great thing that I didn't get an oil change that day, and I was talking about getting a car wash for a week. Both services would be quite wasted considering... Haha. Thank God for that.
I am so thankful to God that everyone is okay, we have some soreness and a few bruises but no major damage. Alisa and Sue had some glass they had to empty from their clothing. No blood, always a good thing. I am so thankful for how comforting my friends were.
Well I am back to how it was last summer. No car and I will have to embrace the bus Metro Transit bus system for a while. Hopefully people won't mind picking me up occasionally. I am praying that the insurance stuff goes through quickly!
My poor car! Mr. Darcy! I wanted him to die from old age. Alas, it was not meant to be.
(So I was slightly embarrassed about the two bags of garbage I had in the trunk.)
My friends, Alisa, Lis, their mom Sue and I were shopping in Maple Grove yesterday afternoon. We were headed back to the freeway to go home when it happened. It was a traffic light, there was a separate right hand lane to turn right with a yield sign. I was going to turn right onto Hemlock from Elm Creek Blvd but the light changed and I didn't want to gun it to make it in front of the cross traffic. I slowed down and came to a stop, a second later we were all thrust violently forward.
I was hit. I sat their in disbelief staring at my car radio that had popped out of its case. A car horn was blarring and I wondered why the person was still honking at us after the fact. I looked to see if everyone was okay and I we all got out to see the damage. There was a large white SUV behind us and a man got out and opened his hood. His horn was broken so it was blaring and he was trying to figure out how to get it to stop. Everything after that was sort of a blur. Alisa started to call the police. They were their so quickly that I knew they must have been close by.
The damage was horrible, the back window was shattered and the trunk pushed in. Most of the damage was done on the right hand side. At first I had an overwhelming sense of guilt, as if I could have done something different to prevent it. I stopped, cross my arms on the top of my car and laid my head down on my arms. I could not cry but I stood there with my head down. Lis came over to give me a hug. I was so glad I wasn't alone, although I didn't like to have any of my friends go through that.
A tow truck arrived seemingly to come out of no where. The police were asking questions and getting all of our information. I asked everyone "there was a yield sign wasn't there?" I was worried that it was my fault, but no, I was not at fault there was a yield sign and I was simply obeying the laws and yielding to traffic. We started to gather all of our belongings out of the car.
Alisa had just bought some supplies at the pet store. "Do you want the rabbit hay in the trunk?" I asked her, "Oh yes!" she replied. One of the policeman heard a part of the dialog and exclaimed, "you have a rabbit in your trunk?" We all laughed at the thought. Alisa said that you don't put animals in your trunk.
We were trying to get stuff out of the trunk by opening the back seats. I told the policemen that we had a t-shirt press for my dad's business in the trunk. They decided they were going to get it out for me and they went to work. I wasn't paying too much attention to what they were doing. (I was trying to make sure I didn't leave anything important in the car.) Sue told me later that she thought the men had a ton of fun using a crowbar to open it up the trunk and to pry the press out. All our belongings were put on the side of the road.
Oddly enough I remember to look for my Scotland window cling. It came a long ways to be on my window, I looked back at the pile of glass by the turn lane. Alisa saw it and went and rescued it for me. For some reason it was important to me to have.
We were a pretty cheery bunch for what happened to us. After knowing everyone was basically okay it wasn't hard for us to make jokes and keep it happy. I still wanted to cry, the car that I had waited prayed for was a mess. I managed to hold it together. The police told me that they were going to send for an ambulance come by to check me out.
My Dad was out of town so our friend Mike came to pick us up, he gave me a hug and I then I felt my emotions overwhelm me, I just wanted to be gone from that place so I could cry. The ambulance got there so I stepped in and they took my vitals. Everyone else said they were fine. Our stuff was loaded into Mike's car while I was in the ambulance. I shook the policeman's hand, told thank you for his help and then walked to Mike's car and got in with everyone else.
I told them I wanted to cry, and then I did. But it didn't last too long because I realized two other great things to be thankful for that were quite humorous. I thought it was a great thing that I didn't get an oil change that day, and I was talking about getting a car wash for a week. Both services would be quite wasted considering... Haha. Thank God for that.
I am so thankful to God that everyone is okay, we have some soreness and a few bruises but no major damage. Alisa and Sue had some glass they had to empty from their clothing. No blood, always a good thing. I am so thankful for how comforting my friends were.
Well I am back to how it was last summer. No car and I will have to embrace the bus Metro Transit bus system for a while. Hopefully people won't mind picking me up occasionally. I am praying that the insurance stuff goes through quickly!
My poor car! Mr. Darcy! I wanted him to die from old age. Alas, it was not meant to be.
(So I was slightly embarrassed about the two bags of garbage I had in the trunk.)
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
The Last Night of Yesterday- Onto Tomorrow
It is peculiar the things that drive me to tears sometimes. Tonight was my last night as a youth leader with Momentum Youth Ministry. I was fine as I prepared my last sermon, when I filled out my parting notes to the youth, I was fine as they prayed for me and blessed me (I guess there were a few tears then), when everyone left and I sat to pray in the dark filled sanctuary alone- I was okay. When I started the alarm and got into my car- everything was fine. But then it happened- I texted Erich telling him I was done. After that point my eyes filled with tears as I remembered all I had done. The years of memories swept over me.
The Youth!, Mission trips to Mexico and Guatemala, camping trips, Onething trips, Momentum Rap Version 2.0, many road trips, skits both funny and serious, worship nights, bowling, sledding, our cop movie, birthdays, our western movie, late Wednesday night nertz playing, round tables, having your message end up differently, deep youth leader meetings, intense nights of prayer, singing prophetically, praying for youth, praying for each other, car washes, bake sales, talent shows, Oh the Lock INS, Triple Espresso, looking for youth, Esther chicks, spaghetti dinner, Mexican dinner, "Do you love your neighbor?", bonfires, laughter, worship practice, Tuesday phone calls, permission slips, collecting permission slips, announcements, lots of inside jokes, baptism, prayer and more prayer, power point shows, pictures lots of pictures, basketball, Feed My Starving Children, menus, rides in the church van, excel spread sheets, fundraisers, last minute plans, special music, troubled times, tears, saying goodbyes, small groups, fatigue, snacks, Tari's cheesecake, trying to get people to bring snacks, digital worship times, captures the flag (I somehow managed never to play!), VOLLEYBALL, Momentum Fest, Skit Nights, special guests, answered prayers, discussions, numerous office changes, youth room, Bible quizzes, Christmas parties, dice game, prizes, failed bring your friends events, lights, planned nights, unplanned nights, soaking times, cleaning up, painting, conferences, youth leaders: Tina, Erich, Mike, Ben, Pete, Amy, Dan, Brian, Jason, Brady, Alisa, Lis, Sarah, Beckah, Emily, Katy, Tari, Danneth, Carter, Paula and Chelsea, there is so much more but that is all I can think of tonight.
I have been so thankful to be a part of Momentum throughout the years that I have been a part of it. I have grown in ways I don't even think I can explain. I know God has great plans for me in the future, and I am excited to begin, but a small part of my heart will always be there.
Goodbye Wednesday nights! Goodbye Momentum!
The Youth!, Mission trips to Mexico and Guatemala, camping trips, Onething trips, Momentum Rap Version 2.0, many road trips, skits both funny and serious, worship nights, bowling, sledding, our cop movie, birthdays, our western movie, late Wednesday night nertz playing, round tables, having your message end up differently, deep youth leader meetings, intense nights of prayer, singing prophetically, praying for youth, praying for each other, car washes, bake sales, talent shows, Oh the Lock INS, Triple Espresso, looking for youth, Esther chicks, spaghetti dinner, Mexican dinner, "Do you love your neighbor?", bonfires, laughter, worship practice, Tuesday phone calls, permission slips, collecting permission slips, announcements, lots of inside jokes, baptism, prayer and more prayer, power point shows, pictures lots of pictures, basketball, Feed My Starving Children, menus, rides in the church van, excel spread sheets, fundraisers, last minute plans, special music, troubled times, tears, saying goodbyes, small groups, fatigue, snacks, Tari's cheesecake, trying to get people to bring snacks, digital worship times, captures the flag (I somehow managed never to play!), VOLLEYBALL, Momentum Fest, Skit Nights, special guests, answered prayers, discussions, numerous office changes, youth room, Bible quizzes, Christmas parties, dice game, prizes, failed bring your friends events, lights, planned nights, unplanned nights, soaking times, cleaning up, painting, conferences, youth leaders: Tina, Erich, Mike, Ben, Pete, Amy, Dan, Brian, Jason, Brady, Alisa, Lis, Sarah, Beckah, Emily, Katy, Tari, Danneth, Carter, Paula and Chelsea, there is so much more but that is all I can think of tonight.
I have been so thankful to be a part of Momentum throughout the years that I have been a part of it. I have grown in ways I don't even think I can explain. I know God has great plans for me in the future, and I am excited to begin, but a small part of my heart will always be there.
Goodbye Wednesday nights! Goodbye Momentum!
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Birthday Wishes
It is an odd year for me. As my birthday draws near I realize that the things that I want aren't really material at all, and they aren't things that can really happen in three days, or be given to me. Oh sure I would like a wireless mouse, and the Settlers of Catan Expansion pack, but the things my heart desires the most are a little more involved. Perhaps what I want not even in the wishes category, they are more like prayers. This evening I am very tired and my emotions are heightened once again. But I want to write my thoughts out. So this is my prayer list for my twenty-third year. Not necessarily in order.
To experience more of God than I ever had before
Restoration of a friendship that I don't know how to fix on my own
To play the piano and write songs of my own
Not have anymore friends move away!
A peaceful household
Have my family be closer to each other
For the youth we are praying for meet God
To experience more of God than I ever had before
Restoration of a friendship that I don't know how to fix on my own
To play the piano and write songs of my own
Not have anymore friends move away!
A peaceful household
Have my family be closer to each other
For the youth we are praying for meet God
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Late Thoughts
I am not even sure what I am planning on writing right now. It is late and I want to go to sleep but sleep has eluded me. Last week was a hard week for me. I woke up every morning, feeling as though I didn't quite get enough sleep, and went to bed each night wishing I had gotten into be sooner. I hate being exhausted because my emotions are often on edge. I feel so very vulnerable and the enemy/satan loves to have a hay day with my thoughts. I think that is the biggest battle that I face. The battle of my mind. And I often feel as though I am on the losing side.
I wish sometimes that I could just get away from everything that makes me worry, from my conflicting thoughts, from conflicting relationships. I hate confrontation, but it seems to be my friend as of late, and the only way to ultimately bring peace. So I try to face it bravely and courageously, but I am no where near where I want to be. I want to give up but I care too much.
This morning I danced for a special at my church. I often have songs that I have to fight with and this was one of them. I was not getting any choreography and that made me very nervous. I had a couple hours to practice on Friday- but nothing came. I just felt led to pray instead of actually dancing during that practice time. I finished memorizing the chapter in Psalms that I had to go with my dance, instead of actually working on the dance part. So I am not sure how well my actual dance was this morning, but I know my speaking forth the Bible at the beginning was powerful.
Ah! I think I need to try to sleep again. I don't want to start the week out tired.
This is a depressing blog, which often is the case for "late night I can't sleep" blogs. But tomorrow is a new day, and new things can happen. God is always good, and is always looking out for me. I have no idea where I would be without Him. Nor do I know how people can go through life without Him there with them. Thank you God for all you have done for me! And all you are going to do! And also for two hour naps!
I wish sometimes that I could just get away from everything that makes me worry, from my conflicting thoughts, from conflicting relationships. I hate confrontation, but it seems to be my friend as of late, and the only way to ultimately bring peace. So I try to face it bravely and courageously, but I am no where near where I want to be. I want to give up but I care too much.
This morning I danced for a special at my church. I often have songs that I have to fight with and this was one of them. I was not getting any choreography and that made me very nervous. I had a couple hours to practice on Friday- but nothing came. I just felt led to pray instead of actually dancing during that practice time. I finished memorizing the chapter in Psalms that I had to go with my dance, instead of actually working on the dance part. So I am not sure how well my actual dance was this morning, but I know my speaking forth the Bible at the beginning was powerful.
Ah! I think I need to try to sleep again. I don't want to start the week out tired.
This is a depressing blog, which often is the case for "late night I can't sleep" blogs. But tomorrow is a new day, and new things can happen. God is always good, and is always looking out for me. I have no idea where I would be without Him. Nor do I know how people can go through life without Him there with them. Thank you God for all you have done for me! And all you are going to do! And also for two hour naps!
Saturday, July 05, 2008
Early
It is funny how the mind works. I woke up at 5:30am this morning and couldn't fall asleep. Even though my body is still tired my mind is working at 1000 miles per minute. I have been trying to tell it to be quiet and to rest, but at this time it is doing neither. I turned some God music on, trying to think about God's love and have that ease my restlessness. He really is amazing. At this time of the morning the sun is in the perfect place to have the sunlight drift through the windows into my eyes.
Sometimes I think I might be the most selfish person on the face of the earth. I know that is not true, but there are times when I feel that way. Why can't I give up living for myself and worrying about myself and worry about other people? I feel as though that would be a much better use of my time. This morning my prayer is to have my head be silenced of all the worries. God can more than take care of me, yet I doubt His ability so often and try to work things out myself.
This fall most likely three of my best friends will be moving, one possibly a few hours away, two of them to the other side of the country. At first I thought I would be fine, but as the days grow closer to their departure I feel the weight of it. I used to be a person who had no close friends to rely on, God then brought people into my life, now I feel as though everyone closest to me is being removed from my life, and it hurts. It hurts more than I can say. I know God has a reason and a purpose, I just don't see it right now. But the one thing I am fully convinced of is that God is always good. So I just sit back and put on "How He Loves" and remember that He is working in my life.
(Think link for the song may not show up on Facebook- if you are reading this blog from there.)
Sometimes I think I might be the most selfish person on the face of the earth. I know that is not true, but there are times when I feel that way. Why can't I give up living for myself and worrying about myself and worry about other people? I feel as though that would be a much better use of my time. This morning my prayer is to have my head be silenced of all the worries. God can more than take care of me, yet I doubt His ability so often and try to work things out myself.
This fall most likely three of my best friends will be moving, one possibly a few hours away, two of them to the other side of the country. At first I thought I would be fine, but as the days grow closer to their departure I feel the weight of it. I used to be a person who had no close friends to rely on, God then brought people into my life, now I feel as though everyone closest to me is being removed from my life, and it hurts. It hurts more than I can say. I know God has a reason and a purpose, I just don't see it right now. But the one thing I am fully convinced of is that God is always good. So I just sit back and put on "How He Loves" and remember that He is working in my life.
(Think link for the song may not show up on Facebook- if you are reading this blog from there.)
Friday, April 20, 2007
Insight into Hillary
The last few months I have found out a lot about myself. One thing is how I communicate. I wanted to explain to my friends and family (unless you have already figured this out) so that you can better understand me.
It is rather simple really... I always want to talk about deeper things, or more precisely how I am doing in or feeling about certain things or issues. But often I can't just jump in and start talking- I need to be asked. There are so many times when I want to approach a subject with someone, but I don't know how to begin. But if people want to know my thoughts or feelings then if asked specific questions I will usually just jump in and explain. I don't know why it is this way for me. Perhaps because there was such a long period of years in my life that I just didn't talk about how I was feeling at all. Now there are so many times when I want to jump in and tell people. Of course I still need to work on this- I don't want to throw the ball in everyone else's court. But it is nice to be asked, and nice to have people care. I am trying more myself and to ask how people are really doing as well.
A lot of times it is hard for me to explain what I am feeling and thinking, I am pleased with my friends Mike and Katy because they usually ask me more specific questions when they can tell I am having trouble coming up with the words.
I think some people think I am quiet and don't want to share and talk- but I do! I have realized in the last six months how much I love to talk about things that matter. Good conversation is like an amazing 5 course meal to me. I want to talk about God and friendship, relationships, what God is doing in peoples lives, and people's dreams and desires, hopes and fears, even struggles and hardships are good- because then I can try to help.
It is very interesting how God is working in my life. Communication and relationships is often something I have to work really hard at. To keep putting myself out there, to become vulnerable with people. But it is so worth it- God has in turn given me so many good friendships and relationships because of my desire and effort to be all I can be in these areas.
I would encourage others. Step out there! With people you know you can trust be friendly, talk deeply. Don't just stay on the superficial level. Go deeper with God and people. It is worth it.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Overload
I feel like I have so much to write about, so much happening. Yet I can't find the words. Perhaps it is better that way.
I went to church to dance today, and I started on a song I SHOULD be practicing. But I ended up dancing to a song I never thought of doing. All I can say is that it is intense, and if I do end up doing it sometime for a special. It will be unlike anything I have ever done before. Which is a good thing, since I know God loves it when I try new things. Especially when I don't think I can do it. Because I most likely can't do it on my own and He has to come in a help. He is a good protector.
It is such an intense song I just about broke out crying while I danced. I grew fairly sweaty, which is a good sign that I like the song if I am so into it that I keep going and going.
"Deep calls unto deep, at the sound of Your waterfalls. All Your waves and billows wahs over me."
I went to church to dance today, and I started on a song I SHOULD be practicing. But I ended up dancing to a song I never thought of doing. All I can say is that it is intense, and if I do end up doing it sometime for a special. It will be unlike anything I have ever done before. Which is a good thing, since I know God loves it when I try new things. Especially when I don't think I can do it. Because I most likely can't do it on my own and He has to come in a help. He is a good protector.
It is such an intense song I just about broke out crying while I danced. I grew fairly sweaty, which is a good sign that I like the song if I am so into it that I keep going and going.
"Deep calls unto deep, at the sound of Your waterfalls. All Your waves and billows wahs over me."
Friday, March 02, 2007
Snow Storm # 2
It is hard to believe that we had two snow storms two weekends in a row. Tonight I am in Eau Claire Wisconsin. I had planned on coming her last night but was delayed until this morning.
The roads were still a little covered on the way here. Doing events are lonely. That is what I have discovered. I have a $25.00 allowance everyday for food, but I feel weird eating at a nice place all by myself, so instead I went to Culver's.
I like doing events where you stay overnight. I was done at 8pm at the arena and went to my hotel to check in. I then jumped in my rental car and headed to check out the city. I remembered roads I had traveled on previous trips to Eau Claire. I must say that I like this city. Driving by the University I saw numerous beautiful old homes with Victorian design. I wished it were daylight so I could take some photos. The hills and valleys are fun to drive up and down. It really is a beautiful city.
I am so amazed by my car. It is so QUIET! I can hardly believe it. A few times I have tried starting it when it is already on because I thought it was off. And the turning signal doesn't even make a loud clicking noise. It is crazy! I guess that is the way with new cars. There also is this extra button on my keys that I can't figure out what it is for. I have pressed it a few times standing outside my car, but nothing appears to happen differently. Yes it is odd. It is such a large car it sort of feels like I am driving a boat and that lovely smell inside doesn't help. Oh why didn't I pick the shiny red Toyota Camry? But I am not complaining... of course.
The roads were still a little covered on the way here. Doing events are lonely. That is what I have discovered. I have a $25.00 allowance everyday for food, but I feel weird eating at a nice place all by myself, so instead I went to Culver's.
I like doing events where you stay overnight. I was done at 8pm at the arena and went to my hotel to check in. I then jumped in my rental car and headed to check out the city. I remembered roads I had traveled on previous trips to Eau Claire. I must say that I like this city. Driving by the University I saw numerous beautiful old homes with Victorian design. I wished it were daylight so I could take some photos. The hills and valleys are fun to drive up and down. It really is a beautiful city.
I am so amazed by my car. It is so QUIET! I can hardly believe it. A few times I have tried starting it when it is already on because I thought it was off. And the turning signal doesn't even make a loud clicking noise. It is crazy! I guess that is the way with new cars. There also is this extra button on my keys that I can't figure out what it is for. I have pressed it a few times standing outside my car, but nothing appears to happen differently. Yes it is odd. It is such a large car it sort of feels like I am driving a boat and that lovely smell inside doesn't help. Oh why didn't I pick the shiny red Toyota Camry? But I am not complaining... of course.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
A windy night
There was just something about this night that was different from before. Not that all nights line up and are the same. But there was something in the air.
During worship time at youth group I stood in the dark foyer and gazed outside. The wind was whipping about furiously. The trees were dancing and shaking. I looked up at the crescent moon still casting light down to the earth despite its small size. The stars shown brightly breaking through the city's lighted atmosephere. Something inside me responded to the activity outside the walls I was dwelling in. I didn't understand fully what was drawing me to gaze. I think we don't ever really understand what draws us to gaze at beauty. I now believe I understand... Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork."
God is revealing Himself through His creation. He is revealing Who He is. I tasted it tonight. As clearly as a friend will share who they are when you sit down across from them, as much as you want to have people know who you really are. The God of the Universe wants to reveal WHO HE IS to us. Because He wants us to love Him more and more.
He is always speaking, tonight the romance of a moonlit windy night drew my thoughts towards Him. While the heavens declared Who He is I listened and learned. Perhaps you have had those moments, when you stand in awe of creation. Something inside you stirs and you wonder why you stand in silence. Know He is speaking... Know He is calling... Know that He is drawing you away to be with Him. He wants people to know Him for Who He really is. My thoughts and worries seemed small in comparison. For the Almighty God knows who I am. Just as He orchestrates the heavens and puts the stars into place- He has a plan for my life and wants the best for me. So I can trust Him, I can trust Him with everything.
I left the church to my solitary car in the parking lot. Although the other side of the parking lot there is a row of trees. Tonight I stood alone under the lamp light, slightly chilled after leaving my coat in the car. I stood with my hands in my pockets and watched the trees. As clearly as you may see me worship Him with dance on a Sunday morning-- I saw them dancing, and He was the One moving them, He was the One giving them life.
During worship time at youth group I stood in the dark foyer and gazed outside. The wind was whipping about furiously. The trees were dancing and shaking. I looked up at the crescent moon still casting light down to the earth despite its small size. The stars shown brightly breaking through the city's lighted atmosephere. Something inside me responded to the activity outside the walls I was dwelling in. I didn't understand fully what was drawing me to gaze. I think we don't ever really understand what draws us to gaze at beauty. I now believe I understand... Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; And the firmament shows His handiwork."
God is revealing Himself through His creation. He is revealing Who He is. I tasted it tonight. As clearly as a friend will share who they are when you sit down across from them, as much as you want to have people know who you really are. The God of the Universe wants to reveal WHO HE IS to us. Because He wants us to love Him more and more.
He is always speaking, tonight the romance of a moonlit windy night drew my thoughts towards Him. While the heavens declared Who He is I listened and learned. Perhaps you have had those moments, when you stand in awe of creation. Something inside you stirs and you wonder why you stand in silence. Know He is speaking... Know He is calling... Know that He is drawing you away to be with Him. He wants people to know Him for Who He really is. My thoughts and worries seemed small in comparison. For the Almighty God knows who I am. Just as He orchestrates the heavens and puts the stars into place- He has a plan for my life and wants the best for me. So I can trust Him, I can trust Him with everything.
I left the church to my solitary car in the parking lot. Although the other side of the parking lot there is a row of trees. Tonight I stood alone under the lamp light, slightly chilled after leaving my coat in the car. I stood with my hands in my pockets and watched the trees. As clearly as you may see me worship Him with dance on a Sunday morning-- I saw them dancing, and He was the One moving them, He was the One giving them life.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Thank the Lord for friends close by- (and those not so close)
Proverbs 27:8-10
8 Like a bird that wanders from its nest
Is a man who wanders from his place.
9 Ointment and perfume delight the heart,
And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.
10 Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend,
Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity;
Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
8 Like a bird that wanders from its nest
Is a man who wanders from his place.
9 Ointment and perfume delight the heart,
And the sweetness of a man’s friend gives delight by hearty counsel.
10 Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend,
Nor go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity;
Better is a neighbor nearby than a brother far away.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Good verse for today
Isaiah 51:11
The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
The ransomed of the LORD will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I'm a Bad Mom! (not really)
Today was a busy day in the morning. I got to the Lucas house at 9am. I heard Nathan the 2 1/2 year old yell my name from upstairs- and I smiled. I take care of the boys Jeremiah (5) and his brother a couple days a week now. I love it. They are very well behaved boys and like little brothers to me. The last 5 months have been filled with activities. I take the boys out so their parents can work in peace in their home office.
This morning we went all around town. First was a new experience of getting a little boy's hair cut. "Just feed him as many suckers as it takes" Sheryl told me before we went. Nathan did such a good job and didn't even get scared of the plastic over thing.
After exclaiming how handsome he was we headed off to the library. I had been to this library a few times with the boys. So they knew their way around, this morning though it was overrun with more kids than I had ever seen there, i believe around 35-40 kids all under the age of 5 most likely.
I don't worry about Jeremiah as much because I assumed he knew his way around, the place is not that large. So I was reading Nathan a book and glancing every once in a while at Jeremiah while he was playing with the puppets. I looked up then and realized he had left the puppets. I was going to go check what other activity he was doing. Looking for a bright blue sweatshirt (I really need to keep having them wear bright clothes, it helps) I saw him sitting at a table. After a second glance I saw his face was all red and he was crying. I wondered if he got hurt. There was a lady standing next to him.
He saw me and ran to me. "Oh here is your mom!" the lady said. I knelt down and he hugged me. "Well I am not his mom but..." I said as she left. I held him and he put his hands in my hair. After some prodding I figured out that he felt lost and couldn't find me. Normally I don't think it would have been a problem but there were so many kids and mothers! I held him for a while and told him not to wander off again. He shook his head yes and calmed down. I was glad to see him smile again I brought him to Nathan. Jeremiah is such a tender guy. He loves his brother and feels things deeply. I love him. He gave his little brother a hug and they started playing.
We also went to McDonalds that day and Northwestern Bookstore. It was quite jammed packed morning. Sheryl said she is training me to be a mom when I told her all that we did.
I told this story to my family and that is when I got the phrase from Carrie "You were a bad mom!" I laughed and had to repeat it.
This morning we went all around town. First was a new experience of getting a little boy's hair cut. "Just feed him as many suckers as it takes" Sheryl told me before we went. Nathan did such a good job and didn't even get scared of the plastic over thing.
After exclaiming how handsome he was we headed off to the library. I had been to this library a few times with the boys. So they knew their way around, this morning though it was overrun with more kids than I had ever seen there, i believe around 35-40 kids all under the age of 5 most likely.
I don't worry about Jeremiah as much because I assumed he knew his way around, the place is not that large. So I was reading Nathan a book and glancing every once in a while at Jeremiah while he was playing with the puppets. I looked up then and realized he had left the puppets. I was going to go check what other activity he was doing. Looking for a bright blue sweatshirt (I really need to keep having them wear bright clothes, it helps) I saw him sitting at a table. After a second glance I saw his face was all red and he was crying. I wondered if he got hurt. There was a lady standing next to him.
He saw me and ran to me. "Oh here is your mom!" the lady said. I knelt down and he hugged me. "Well I am not his mom but..." I said as she left. I held him and he put his hands in my hair. After some prodding I figured out that he felt lost and couldn't find me. Normally I don't think it would have been a problem but there were so many kids and mothers! I held him for a while and told him not to wander off again. He shook his head yes and calmed down. I was glad to see him smile again I brought him to Nathan. Jeremiah is such a tender guy. He loves his brother and feels things deeply. I love him. He gave his little brother a hug and they started playing.
We also went to McDonalds that day and Northwestern Bookstore. It was quite jammed packed morning. Sheryl said she is training me to be a mom when I told her all that we did.
I told this story to my family and that is when I got the phrase from Carrie "You were a bad mom!" I laughed and had to repeat it.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
God is so good
Last night was prayer night at the Twin Cities House of Prayer. I have been involved with them for a year and a half now. When I started it was with the Tuesday evening watch. A set from 7-9 every Tuesday. I started to prayer lead and liked it even though it wasn't without its challenges.
We had a very intimate group of people who loved God and loved to worship and pray together. Last March our worship leader didn't show up one Tuesday. We were a little upset about it but it wasn't until we found out he planned never to come back to our group that we were hurt. Some of the others were still in contact with him. But there were others of us who never saw him again.
Without our worship leader our group dwindled down and finally we had to stop on Tuesday night. More from schedules getting busy over the summer than from lack of interest. So we stopped. It was hard and everyone missed each other. We were still praying for Nick. We knew he was called to be a part of the House of Prayer. Even if he was still following God we knew he was called to that.
Well last night we had one set where I prayer led and some others did. Afterwards there was a break between sets and I went out to the bathroom. I never got there because I started talking to my friend Lisa and Karol and then some others. But I looked down the hall and saw Ryan and another guy coming down. I hadn't seen Ryan since Karol and Micheal's wedding so I was excited to see him. But then I realized who was walking next to him and I couldn't' believe it- It was Nick! He came back fully in love with God and missing the house of prayer.
What was more amazing was that we were all there that night. Our whole Tuesday night group. Jeremiah, Emily, Ryan, Lisa, Karol, Michael, me and Marylynn. Well two guys were missing Josiah and Ben. It was like a family reunion- except better.
Marylynn who is the leader of the house of prayer and who I believe hadn't seen Nick since last March like me, started crying and jumping up and down, and gave him a long hug. It was so beautiful. That is all I can say to describe it.
Michael and Karol were just leaving, but thankfully they were delayed so that they were able to see Nick. Michael and Nick were best friends before. Nick apologized to him and they shared a great hug. There were hugs all around that night. We were all there. I couldn't stop smiling and Nick and everyone else couldn't stop smiling and everyone was so happy. He said that he was nervous about coming because he wasn't sure how he would be received. But obviously the reception was a good one. I think a lot of the earthly credit would be given to Ryan. Him and Nick are rooming together now and I know Ryan never gave up on Nick and kept pushing him on.
He told us how he had been through a wilderness time but that God was good. He delivered Nick from smoking. Actually took his desire away for it. Awesome! He was glowing!
I think the best part was when we all went back in to the chapel and he opened the door and Nick said "come let us all go into the house of the Lord" we all laughed and were so thankful that we were all there together.
The best part is that this total out of the blue restoration of friendships and restoration of someone who I thought I would never see again. It gives me hope for other friends that I miss and wish were back with us. It boosted my faith and trust in God in such an amazing way!
Thank you God! You are so awesome to answer our prayers for Nick. They were not in vain. You are amazing! The changes in all of us this last 10 monthes have been amazing. Ryan and Emily are dating now, I hadn't seen them together yet and it was awesome. Michael and Karol are having a baby next August!!! I almost started crying because of that too. God is so GOOD!
We had a very intimate group of people who loved God and loved to worship and pray together. Last March our worship leader didn't show up one Tuesday. We were a little upset about it but it wasn't until we found out he planned never to come back to our group that we were hurt. Some of the others were still in contact with him. But there were others of us who never saw him again.
Without our worship leader our group dwindled down and finally we had to stop on Tuesday night. More from schedules getting busy over the summer than from lack of interest. So we stopped. It was hard and everyone missed each other. We were still praying for Nick. We knew he was called to be a part of the House of Prayer. Even if he was still following God we knew he was called to that.
Well last night we had one set where I prayer led and some others did. Afterwards there was a break between sets and I went out to the bathroom. I never got there because I started talking to my friend Lisa and Karol and then some others. But I looked down the hall and saw Ryan and another guy coming down. I hadn't seen Ryan since Karol and Micheal's wedding so I was excited to see him. But then I realized who was walking next to him and I couldn't' believe it- It was Nick! He came back fully in love with God and missing the house of prayer.
What was more amazing was that we were all there that night. Our whole Tuesday night group. Jeremiah, Emily, Ryan, Lisa, Karol, Michael, me and Marylynn. Well two guys were missing Josiah and Ben. It was like a family reunion- except better.
Marylynn who is the leader of the house of prayer and who I believe hadn't seen Nick since last March like me, started crying and jumping up and down, and gave him a long hug. It was so beautiful. That is all I can say to describe it.
Michael and Karol were just leaving, but thankfully they were delayed so that they were able to see Nick. Michael and Nick were best friends before. Nick apologized to him and they shared a great hug. There were hugs all around that night. We were all there. I couldn't stop smiling and Nick and everyone else couldn't stop smiling and everyone was so happy. He said that he was nervous about coming because he wasn't sure how he would be received. But obviously the reception was a good one. I think a lot of the earthly credit would be given to Ryan. Him and Nick are rooming together now and I know Ryan never gave up on Nick and kept pushing him on.
He told us how he had been through a wilderness time but that God was good. He delivered Nick from smoking. Actually took his desire away for it. Awesome! He was glowing!
I think the best part was when we all went back in to the chapel and he opened the door and Nick said "come let us all go into the house of the Lord" we all laughed and were so thankful that we were all there together.
The best part is that this total out of the blue restoration of friendships and restoration of someone who I thought I would never see again. It gives me hope for other friends that I miss and wish were back with us. It boosted my faith and trust in God in such an amazing way!
Thank you God! You are so awesome to answer our prayers for Nick. They were not in vain. You are amazing! The changes in all of us this last 10 monthes have been amazing. Ryan and Emily are dating now, I hadn't seen them together yet and it was awesome. Michael and Karol are having a baby next August!!! I almost started crying because of that too. God is so GOOD!
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
The Hand of God
Tonight I had a frightening but amazing experience.
I was driving to church on Hwy 252. It is a busy road with traffic running about 55 miles per hour. I had to take a left turn to get to church and I noticed the protected left turn was going to turn green soon. I sped up a bit. When I got into the turning lane I realized I wasn't going to make the light. I put on my brakes. It was not a hard brake, just between hard and normal maybe.
But before I knew what was happening my car was spinning around. I did a 180 and at the end my car was facing the opposite way in the turn lane.
I analyzed my feelings later. At the time I thought- I hope I don't go into the ditch. It was weird because I had no fear of going into the traffic next to me. I just didn't want to get stuck in the ditch. It was the smoothest turn ever, thinking about it now I realize it felt like something was guiding my car around. (We had been doing donuts in a parking lot in a friend's car a couple days before and it was a lot different.)
I sat there for a second trying to figure out how I should turn around. I scouted out the area and realized there was no one turning left yet. So I was alone in the lane. The traffic right next to me was whizzing by. I decided to back up into the snowbank- hoping I wouldn't get stuck. But realized it was the back wheels so I should be fine. It took me a couple tries and I was a little scared because my nose was sticking out some into the other lane.
The cars were so close! It freaked me out a bit. But I had this calming peace. Perhaps because I had been praying all the way to church. I don't know but I wasn't jittery or anything while I was turning around. I wished at one point I had someone there to direct me... I guess I did have some One.
I finally made it around and the light turned green. When I got onto 73rd a couple blocks I finally realized what had happened and what could have happened. I thanked God. I realized the peace I had. While I was turning I sort of felt like "oh my car is turning" like I was noticing it was snowing or something. I got to church with tears in my eyes because I felt jittery and so thankful. I was glad I had people to share my story with right away.
Thank you Jesus! For saving me and keeping me safe!
There was not anyone immediate behind me while I turned, thank the Lord for that!
I didn't freak out but was calm- maybe the donuts in the parking lot helped that... thanks Mike Although God gets more credit.
I managed to turn around fine and in a timely manor- although the cars that did come to turn might not have thought so.
God thank you so much that I am alive and my car is fine! Especially that I am alive and well!
I was driving to church on Hwy 252. It is a busy road with traffic running about 55 miles per hour. I had to take a left turn to get to church and I noticed the protected left turn was going to turn green soon. I sped up a bit. When I got into the turning lane I realized I wasn't going to make the light. I put on my brakes. It was not a hard brake, just between hard and normal maybe.
But before I knew what was happening my car was spinning around. I did a 180 and at the end my car was facing the opposite way in the turn lane.
I analyzed my feelings later. At the time I thought- I hope I don't go into the ditch. It was weird because I had no fear of going into the traffic next to me. I just didn't want to get stuck in the ditch. It was the smoothest turn ever, thinking about it now I realize it felt like something was guiding my car around. (We had been doing donuts in a parking lot in a friend's car a couple days before and it was a lot different.)
I sat there for a second trying to figure out how I should turn around. I scouted out the area and realized there was no one turning left yet. So I was alone in the lane. The traffic right next to me was whizzing by. I decided to back up into the snowbank- hoping I wouldn't get stuck. But realized it was the back wheels so I should be fine. It took me a couple tries and I was a little scared because my nose was sticking out some into the other lane.
The cars were so close! It freaked me out a bit. But I had this calming peace. Perhaps because I had been praying all the way to church. I don't know but I wasn't jittery or anything while I was turning around. I wished at one point I had someone there to direct me... I guess I did have some One.
I finally made it around and the light turned green. When I got onto 73rd a couple blocks I finally realized what had happened and what could have happened. I thanked God. I realized the peace I had. While I was turning I sort of felt like "oh my car is turning" like I was noticing it was snowing or something. I got to church with tears in my eyes because I felt jittery and so thankful. I was glad I had people to share my story with right away.
Thank you Jesus! For saving me and keeping me safe!
There was not anyone immediate behind me while I turned, thank the Lord for that!
I didn't freak out but was calm- maybe the donuts in the parking lot helped that... thanks Mike Although God gets more credit.
I managed to turn around fine and in a timely manor- although the cars that did come to turn might not have thought so.
God thank you so much that I am alive and my car is fine! Especially that I am alive and well!
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
One Thing Conference 2006
What can I say? God is Amazing. Yes that pretty much sums up the last week. Thursday Dec. 28 our youth group left to go to Kansas City Missouri for a young adult conference.
I don't know where to start in explaining how much God moved in my own life. The conference was put on by the Internation House of Prayer. IHOP is a ministry of around a couple thousand people who have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year round worship and prayer. They never stop. I had gone to IHOP to do an internship Spring of 2005 and God radically changed me and brought be closer to Him. I learned about Who He Is and what He thinks about me and the love He has for me. Plus the importance of worship and prayer as a lifestyle.
I had a lot of situations in my life recently that He was telling me to surrender completely and to trust Him completely with the outcome. I finally was able to do that fully. And the love for Him that resulted out of it was amazing! Thanks God!
We had an amazing time and I am so glad that He brought us all there.
I don't know where to start in explaining how much God moved in my own life. The conference was put on by the Internation House of Prayer. IHOP is a ministry of around a couple thousand people who have 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, all year round worship and prayer. They never stop. I had gone to IHOP to do an internship Spring of 2005 and God radically changed me and brought be closer to Him. I learned about Who He Is and what He thinks about me and the love He has for me. Plus the importance of worship and prayer as a lifestyle.
I had a lot of situations in my life recently that He was telling me to surrender completely and to trust Him completely with the outcome. I finally was able to do that fully. And the love for Him that resulted out of it was amazing! Thanks God!
We had an amazing time and I am so glad that He brought us all there.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Sunday, December 03, 2006
May the words of my mouth...
Coming home from Guatemala I was reading my bible and a verse that I have heard a million times jumped out at me. I really caught the meaning and was amazed at what the writer was saying.
Psalms 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my
Redeemer.
It is a verse often read and there is even a song written about it. But we don't often think about what it truly means. Right before this verse David was crying out to God for help to be cleansed from his sins- not only to be cleansed but to be kept from sinning again.
Then he asks what seems impossible. "God may every word I speak- and every thought I have- be pleasing and acceptable in Your sight!" It does something inside of me to hear this. Last night we got together with friends and we were all being very sarcastic. Half way through I realized and started getting sick of it. At first I was thinking it was all them, but I know I was acting the same way. I came back to this verse today and it has been tearing me up. I want this to be my prayer.
"God may all I say and think be pleasing to you! Lord, my strength and my Redeemer! Please help me have my words and thoughts bring you pleasure!"
Oh to please the heart of God by what we say and think. I believe if we tame these two areas than our actions and lifestyle will follow. What if we considered every word we said? Our relationships would be so much deeper- we would bring people closer to God. Instead of hurt and pain from sarcastic words, we could bring life to people.
I looked up the word "Tongue" in a bible search engine and there seemed to be two refrenced two ways it was alwasy used in scriptures.
1. Praising God- Psalm 35:28 My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long.
2. Speaking of deceitful tongues- or talking about taming the tongue. Proverbs 10:31
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out.
1 Peter 3:10 For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.
I want my tongue to be praising Him, and not to be a foolish. I want to have His wisdom come out of me. My heart hurt when I read all the scriptures declaring "keep your tongue from evil" "the wise man guards the tongue" because I know I don't do that. I will put someone down for a laugh- and I don't like it. I am am sorry everyone for things I have said that might have caused pain. I want all of what I say and do and think to be pleasing to Him. Oh! to bring Him pleasure!
I also like the end of the verse because it reminds us that we can't do it without Him. "O Lord, my STRENGTH.." and also that if we do mess up He will forgive "..and my REDEEMER." Thank God for His strength and forgiveness- I need it all the time.
We will talk about the meditations of the heart part another time. Here is a verse for that, one we all know.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
Psalms 19:14
Let the words of my mouth and the
meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my
Redeemer.
It is a verse often read and there is even a song written about it. But we don't often think about what it truly means. Right before this verse David was crying out to God for help to be cleansed from his sins- not only to be cleansed but to be kept from sinning again.
Then he asks what seems impossible. "God may every word I speak- and every thought I have- be pleasing and acceptable in Your sight!" It does something inside of me to hear this. Last night we got together with friends and we were all being very sarcastic. Half way through I realized and started getting sick of it. At first I was thinking it was all them, but I know I was acting the same way. I came back to this verse today and it has been tearing me up. I want this to be my prayer.
"God may all I say and think be pleasing to you! Lord, my strength and my Redeemer! Please help me have my words and thoughts bring you pleasure!"
Oh to please the heart of God by what we say and think. I believe if we tame these two areas than our actions and lifestyle will follow. What if we considered every word we said? Our relationships would be so much deeper- we would bring people closer to God. Instead of hurt and pain from sarcastic words, we could bring life to people.
I looked up the word "Tongue" in a bible search engine and there seemed to be two refrenced two ways it was alwasy used in scriptures.
1. Praising God- Psalm 35:28 My tongue will speak of your righteousness and of your praises all day long.
2. Speaking of deceitful tongues- or talking about taming the tongue. Proverbs 10:31
The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but a perverse tongue will be cut out.
1 Peter 3:10 For, "Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.
I want my tongue to be praising Him, and not to be a foolish. I want to have His wisdom come out of me. My heart hurt when I read all the scriptures declaring "keep your tongue from evil" "the wise man guards the tongue" because I know I don't do that. I will put someone down for a laugh- and I don't like it. I am am sorry everyone for things I have said that might have caused pain. I want all of what I say and do and think to be pleasing to Him. Oh! to bring Him pleasure!
I also like the end of the verse because it reminds us that we can't do it without Him. "O Lord, my STRENGTH.." and also that if we do mess up He will forgive "..and my REDEEMER." Thank God for His strength and forgiveness- I need it all the time.
We will talk about the meditations of the heart part another time. Here is a verse for that, one we all know.
Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
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